My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I looked at my own cervix.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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