New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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