i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
