dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
