There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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