I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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