You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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