Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
