Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
