if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
