Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
