I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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