Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
