Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
