I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
