Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
