If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
