I wish I only lived at night.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
