It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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