You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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