we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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