my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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