Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
