weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
