I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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