2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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