Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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