I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
