I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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