im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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