Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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