She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
