At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
