you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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