I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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