When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
