I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
