she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
