Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
