i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
