the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
