You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
