Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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