I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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