Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
