Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
