So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
