Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
