she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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