mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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